Hygiene Hijinks

  So, a little personal fact about my daily cleansing procedures that you need not know, but I'll tell you anyway, as it helps to set the scene. (insert mentioned fact. I must shower every day. The details as to why are not family rated). The weather too, what does that have to do with bathroom usage? Again, nothing. other than, it being a cold Spring day when yesterday hit 71, is an adjustment. Now I can see that without this being a filmed skit, things are limited. But one  more fact that helps set the condition of the comedic story, assuming of course that I get there? 

  So I'm in the bathroom busy stripping down to my birthday suit, my all together.. I'm naked! Its chilly, so I immediately turned on the shower upon reaching underwear level, to have the steam help warm the room. While removing my unmentionables, my big toe gets tangled in my underpants leaving me to hop around on the now damp tile floor. Finally, I get control before a toppling occurs, and the remaining T shirt comes off without a hitch. Finally I think, I can get in to the soothing warmth of the shower. Pull back the shower curtain, and shit! no soap. I knew I should have replaced it after my last shower I think to myself, until I vocally tell myself to Shut Up! So now the hunt for the soap. Under the vanity sink, there is a two pack of boxed Dial soap. Not just soap, but have you ever struggled with a clear plastic wrapping on any product? It is no simple task, especially in a now steam filled bathroom. And when you put your glasses on to see the little corner piece on the cellophane bindings, you only discover that your glasses are now fogged shut. Now I'm getting angry, which only makes things worse. So then, I'm cussing the guy out who invented the packaging. While mind you, while, I'm working furiously to release the two boxes of soap! Maybe I can get a better grip this way? Nope! Stupid ass soap I say, Damn it! No matter, I can't get it off. Cut it, I'll cut it off I think. Scissors, tweezers? where the hell? Rifling through the draw, I finally wind up using some kind of forceps, as my scissors are for cutting nose and ear hair, (don't laugh, it'll get you too), but they have little balls on the ends, to protect those sensitive areas. FINALLY! I get the cellophane wrapping off, and the two boxes fall to the floor and scatter in the now thick fog? AAaaag! 

Prologue: I'm freshly showered and clean. Look good, check, deodorant, smell good, check. Feeling much better? check. TA DA, I'm me again.